Beautiful Moments

With my sweet baby girl.

I had such a sweet, incredible afternoon with my sweet Maya today. The day started out challenging. She's going through a flurry of emotional and developmental changes right now. First off, turning 2. We all know about the "terrible twos", but I see it more as "growing up without having the full capacity to read your map." She starts to feel things that she doesn't know what do to with, and she wants things and doesn't have a great ability to express it. That equals frustration. It's challenging as a parent, but also beautiful to witness.

Our new nanny Amelia is really great. She works hard, and most importantly, is sweet. I LOVE that about her. It is such a relief. Every day I take a deep breath and feel such contentment and relief that Elsa is gone and Amelia is here. It would be so hard for me to face going back to work and all the stress associated with that if I didn't feel comfortable with the lady in my house. Amelia helps, and helps with a smile. So nice.

In the mornings Maya has been having a lot of separation anxiety. She only wants me to sit with her when she eats. She wants me to take her to school. I walk her all the way to the car with Amelia and then she throws a fit when she realizes I'm turning back to the house. Today my mom went to visit her at school for "Grandparents Day" and she also threw the mother of all fits when my mom had to leave. She never had separation anxiety as an infant or young toddler. So we have it now. I am sure it will be easier for Amelia in the mornings once I am at work and not around the house.

Anyways, I was in the house with Ethan when Amelia and Maya came home in the afternoon. Usually I hear the door click, and then Maya's little feet pitter patter in, and I say, "Maya! How was your day?" She always has a huge smile on her face and responds with bold enthusiasm. Today was different. She looked so upset and was on the verge of tears. I asked her what was wrong. She pointed to the door and said "outside, outside" over and over in a very weary, emotional voice. I figured she really wanted to be outside, but it was just odd the way she was expressing herself. Amelia took Ethan and I went outside with Maya. I took her and put her on my lap to see if I could understand what the real problem was. She kept whining and pointing towards the tree in our front yard. I asked her if she wanted to see the tree. No real response. The bench? No real response. Then Amelia came out and mentioned that as they were getting home they saw the nanny of our neighbors across the street. They are the sweetest of families with 3 young kids, who Maya loves. Then, it clicked. I asked her if she wanted to go see the neighbors. A huge smile spread across her face and she said, "yeah, yeah" and nodded intensely. My sweet baby just didn't know how to communicate it to me.

We went to the neighbors and she had a great time. When we left she kept wanting to go back to the "neighsay". Apparently that's how she's saying "neighbors" today, once I told her how to tell me she wanted to see them next time. But at least she has a word for it now! My little social butterfly.

At home we played in the backyard, went down the slide, and then noticed a big box in the front yard. Mark had ordered some "Little People" toys for her. She shrieked with excitement when she realized the box contained gifts for her. He had ordered a school bus, complete with driver and fun music, and a big animal farm setup, that came with an animal for each letter of the alphabet. Oh my, did we have fun! She loved realizing that when you put the fish in the water, it made splashing sounds. Or that the monkey held a "nana" in his hands. Or that the tiger really did make that "roar roar" sound. Too cute.

We went to take a bath and she insisted I put a "ba-ate" on her afterward (band-aid). She got into her pajamas and I asked her if she wanted to read a book. No, she'd rather "pay" (play) and eat a "nana" like the monkey. So we went into the kitchen, got her a little piece of a banana, and played some more with the animals.

When I told her it was time to read a book, she said OK, but then immediately, "no night-night", meaning she was OK reading books but not going to sleep. I reassured her. But she said "no night-night" about 10 times to be sure I REALLY understood.

We went into her room and she gleamed with pride at her new clock -- it's her special clock that lets her know when it's time for bed and when it's time to get up. She's still in a crib right now but eventually we will transition her to a toddler bed, and I want to do everything I can to make sure she doesn't come running out of her room if she wakes up at 6 am. The clock is backlit, and it's yellow during the day, or during "awake" time, and blue during sleep time. When it turns blue to indicate sleep time, sweet music starts playing for 30 minutes, and then transitions into white noise all night. When it turns yellow at wake time, sweet music also starts playing. So far she loves it! It's very cute.

We read a story, and then the clock turned blue and music started playing. We finished the last few pages and then she went to grab another book (it's amazing how much she LOVES books). I told her the clock was blue and that meant night-night. And she didn't whine at all. She grabbed her kitty, and her baby and went over to her crib. Wow! Such maturity. I love watching her grow and learn. What a thing to witness.

So both my sweet babies are in bed right now. Sleeping soundly. I have two beautiful, incredible, healthy, happy kids. What a HUGE blessing. Seriously. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, stressed, or less fortunate then others for one reason or another, I have to look at my two beautiful children and just say "thank you."

Reflecting on the eve of the new year

Tomorrow is Rosh Hashanah - the Jewish New Year. It's a time to reflect on all we have to be grateful for, and squeeze out as much hope as we can for the new year. I truly do live a blessed life. But if I'm being honest with myself, the turmoil and stress of bringing a new baby into this world didn't leave me feeling very blessed and joyful the past two months.

It was a very hectic time. New baby. Not sleeping. Still maintaining the energy for Maya. No connection with Mark. Trying unsuccessfully to get more out of Elsa, our nanny at the time. It was a hard, hard time. Mark and I were not getting along at all. We were just so at odds with each other on so many levels, and it was grating on me. I got to the point where I just wanted to fall to the ground and cry and kick and scream, like "give me a break!" I think I actually did that one night on our kitchen floor.

But amazingly, god is always listening. Just when you lose all faith, he surprises you. Two weeks ago we hired a fantastic gal to help us on the weekends. Her name is Kristi, she is Hungarian, and she is wonderful. She's a real help. It's so nice, because it gives Mark and I some freedom to run out on the weekend... take Maya with us and leave Ethan with her. Or to go out on a date. Blessing #1.

Last Monday I went to a 2nd time mom's group at the mothering store near the house. This is a 2nd time mom's group. The format was left very open and was just a question and answer type of session. I rolled my eyes at this at first thought, but in the end I left inspired to get Ethan to start sleeping on his own... in his own room.

It made for a hellish week of screaming and crying, but two amazing things came of it. One, I got my room back, which meant I got my husband back. Having a baby in a couple's room is SO dangerous. It kills all intimacy. A bedroom is a quiet, personal space. And we always need it.

The second amazing thing that came out of it was better night sleep. Ethan is still getting up at night to eat, but last night it was only once! And he eats and I put him down and he is RIGHT back to sleep. It's wonderful and I bang myself in the head for not starting this with him sooner. Babies need to sleep, and parents need them to sleep. Parents who rock their children to sleep for months and months and therefore not giving their children the necessary skill of sleeping on their own are blindly digging their own graves. It may work for some people but certainly not for me. Blessing #2.

Another crazy thing that happened last week was my nanny, Elsa, telling me she had to go back to Bolivia to be with her husband, who had become very sick. If that is what really happened, I am very sorry and I truly hope things get better. However the way in which she delivered the news was just strange and I can't shake the feeling that she crafted something for me. Whatever it was, I basically had less than a week to hire a new nanny. I went into panic mode. Posted a job ad on a few mothering boards, on craigslist, and in the spanish paper. An agency saw one of my posts and contacted me. I talked to them as well. It was an incredibly hectic week with so much chaos and stress, but by Friday, we had found our gal. Amelia. Blessing #3.

So this past weekend, we were able to decompress due to Kristi's great help. We went out to an amazing restaurant and really had a full-fledged "date", which was so nice. We slept in the same bedroom, happily. We laughed. We connected. We loved each other. It was SO nice. And on Monday, Amelia started.

You don't know what you've got till it's gone, and you don't know how much you were missing until it left. Having Elsa here had become so unhealthy... and it wasn't until she was gone that this was so apparent. It's only Amelia's second day today, but so far she is just wonderful. It is such a relief. I am very hopeful for the future of our relationship.

I'll do some more reflecting on this stuff through the week in honor of the new year

And so I begin

Hello, blogger world. I have done this many times before. Written blogs. Worked on them for a long time. Fell out of touch with them. Restarted. Fell off the wagon. Deleted them. And restarted them.

Why am I starting "This is my life?" Well, my life is full of SO MUCH. I'll have plenty of opportunities to share what that means, but this weekend I had such an epiphany. My "A-ha" moment. Where everything became clear. The fog rolled away, the stress that has been pounding through my veins dissipated. And I felt supremely grateful.

I have so much "amazing" in my life and I want to share it. Document it. Appreciate it. This past week I also learned that nothing lasts forever. Nothing at all. So while I am surrounded by so much "good stuff", I want to make sure to love and appreciate it.

I am 31 years old.

I am married to a wonderful guy, Mark. We just celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary. We've been together for 10 years now. It's a wonderful union. I am so, so lucky to share my life with him.

I have two beautiful kiddos. One incredible daughter Maya, who is almost 2, and my sweet little son Ethan, who is just about 2 months.

I work in marketing and account management for a pharmaceutical manufacturing company. I like my job.

I have a sister who I am really close to. She is getting married next May - so exciting! I have two half sisters who I love incredibly. One just started college at Barnard this week, and the other one started her sophomore year in high school. Both are incredibly talented dancers and wonderful students.

My mom and I are very close. She lives 15 minutes away. I love her very much.

My dad also lives nearby.

Mark and I have all of our family within 10-15 minutes from where we live, with the exception of Mark's mom, who lives on Maui. We visit her every year, usually at Christmas time. It's really nice going there.

Those are my introductions. I have a lot I want to share, but little man is sleeping and I've got to get my things together to go pick up Maya at daycare in 30 minutes. Caio.