Tomorrow is Rosh Hashanah - the Jewish New Year. It's a time to reflect on all we have to be grateful for, and squeeze out as much hope as we can for the new year. I truly do live a blessed life. But if I'm being honest with myself, the turmoil and stress of bringing a new baby into this world didn't leave me feeling very blessed and joyful the past two months.
It was a very hectic time. New baby. Not sleeping. Still maintaining the energy for Maya. No connection with Mark. Trying unsuccessfully to get more out of Elsa, our nanny at the time. It was a hard, hard time. Mark and I were not getting along at all. We were just so at odds with each other on so many levels, and it was grating on me. I got to the point where I just wanted to fall to the ground and cry and kick and scream, like "give me a break!" I think I actually did that one night on our kitchen floor.
But amazingly, god is always listening. Just when you lose all faith, he surprises you. Two weeks ago we hired a fantastic gal to help us on the weekends. Her name is Kristi, she is Hungarian, and she is wonderful. She's a real help. It's so nice, because it gives Mark and I some freedom to run out on the weekend... take Maya with us and leave Ethan with her. Or to go out on a date. Blessing #1.
Last Monday I went to a 2nd time mom's group at the mothering store near the house. This is a 2nd time mom's group. The format was left very open and was just a question and answer type of session. I rolled my eyes at this at first thought, but in the end I left inspired to get Ethan to start sleeping on his own... in his own room.
It made for a hellish week of screaming and crying, but two amazing things came of it. One, I got my room back, which meant I got my husband back. Having a baby in a couple's room is SO dangerous. It kills all intimacy. A bedroom is a quiet, personal space. And we always need it.
The second amazing thing that came out of it was better night sleep. Ethan is still getting up at night to eat, but last night it was only once! And he eats and I put him down and he is RIGHT back to sleep. It's wonderful and I bang myself in the head for not starting this with him sooner. Babies need to sleep, and parents need them to sleep. Parents who rock their children to sleep for months and months and therefore not giving their children the necessary skill of sleeping on their own are blindly digging their own graves. It may work for some people but certainly not for me. Blessing #2.
Another crazy thing that happened last week was my nanny, Elsa, telling me she had to go back to Bolivia to be with her husband, who had become very sick. If that is what really happened, I am very sorry and I truly hope things get better. However the way in which she delivered the news was just strange and I can't shake the feeling that she crafted something for me. Whatever it was, I basically had less than a week to hire a new nanny. I went into panic mode. Posted a job ad on a few mothering boards, on craigslist, and in the spanish paper. An agency saw one of my posts and contacted me. I talked to them as well. It was an incredibly hectic week with so much chaos and stress, but by Friday, we had found our gal. Amelia. Blessing #3.
So this past weekend, we were able to decompress due to Kristi's great help. We went out to an amazing restaurant and really had a full-fledged "date", which was so nice. We slept in the same bedroom, happily. We laughed. We connected. We loved each other. It was SO nice. And on Monday, Amelia started.
You don't know what you've got till it's gone, and you don't know how much you were missing until it left. Having Elsa here had become so unhealthy... and it wasn't until she was gone that this was so apparent. It's only Amelia's second day today, but so far she is just wonderful. It is such a relief. I am very hopeful for the future of our relationship.
I'll do some more reflecting on this stuff through the week in honor of the new year
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